Hello everyone,

I have been watching the board for about 3 months deciding if I should join. I am a competitive bb'er, 32yrs old, male, and recently married, again. So far the marriage is good. That is the topic of my discussion. I noticed that many of you seem to eat, drink, think, etc.etc. everything is about working out and bb'ing. Which, I think is great! But, I guess what I want to know is do you think that it affects, positive or negative, your personal life in trying to find a significant other?

The reason I ask is because it did for me in my first marriage. I got so out of control that it affected her.

Please post if you are willing to share.

And if you are married, and please be honest, does it bother your significant other??? If yes, why? If no, then what advice can you give to make it successful?

Kody

Kody,

Everything is affected whether it is body building, softball, soccer. If you're competitive, you're going to practice more than 2X per week. How important is it to dine out, like BIG MAC?! If I was married and preparing for a competition, I would find a way to take her out to dine if that's what she wants.

How much money are you going to make competing?

Sure, it's worth working on, but I personally wouldn't give up a marriage just so I can get on stage and get a trophy.

On the other hand, would she give up shopping, nails, etc?

Now, I wouldn't push the dieting and constant of stagelike body. It's not as healthy as it appears. 8-10% BFC, cool, but don't try and maintain 4-6 percent all year around.

Personal opinion based on a few experiences. Alex was one to give his story.

I say, everything within reason. I don't live by it.

Frank

Everything in moderation....

I am not married though I do have a girlfriend.



Bodybuilding is a part of me. It makes life easier and more enjoyable. It is a part of who I am. I do not hide that fact. I enjoy the way I eat, maybe that is why dieting it easy, it is just an extension of something I am going to do anyways....

Have I been guilty of neglecting my sig other...sure. That is going to happen regardless of endeavor, just as Frank pointed out. Do I do that all the time year round, no way. Life is too short. There is a time and place for being that focused, maybe the last week or two pre comp.

There was a time where I would focus on BBing year round. Life was not much fun.

I agree with Frank, 8-10% is a good,, realistic goal. Trying to stay leaner or in comp shape year round is a recipe for disaster.

BBing should not mean giving up life. If it does something is wrong. Many BBers are convinced that it has to be an impossible lifestyle. They feel that they have to suffer and be miserable the weeks leading into a comp. Let's not forget the abuse and agony they put those around them through. They are convinced that they have to spend every waking hour at the gym. Not true.

From experience this usually means failure to plan and starting a diet too late. The result is everyting is overdone and there is little room for anything non BBing.

The successful, non shooting stars in BBing find some sort of balance. They do other things, do them well and are in BBing for the long haul.

I can not speak for the others but I would imagine they enjoy a degree of success in other areas of their lives as well and BBing is just a part of that success. In fact these are often the champions, those that can balance things.... look at their accomplishments in the face of diversity...

For me when BBing is not fun anymore or stops adding to my quality of life, I quit. Outside of BBing I ride motocross, have a dog, a girlfriend, a house, a job, and businesses (both require travel). My job allows me to be online most of the day, so I get to post often.

Off to enjoy my life and weekend!

Ray

Welcome to the board Kody.

I have to admit that I am confused by your post. You mention that you have recently married then ask if BBing affects finding a significant other? Mute point isn't it?

BBing is unique in that the mainstream public does not really understand it. Their perception is influenced so much by misinformaiton in the media that most have little idea of what the sport entails or what positive affects it can have on people who participate in it. Natural BBers, as most here on this board are, get a bum rap because of the enhanced BBers and thier high profile, negative encounters with the law (go figure huh - engage in illegal activity and then clash with the law and yell foul - never ceases to amaze me) and their medical/health problems.

If a person is serious about natural BBing they eat healthy, exercise regularly and are committed to accomplishing goals. Which of those attributes are bad things? True enough, pre-contest a BBer is going to be more focused on what they have to do to meat their goal - but how is that different from a masters candidate focused on their thesis completion, or an actor focused on opening night, or a law student focused on the bar exam. Anyone dedicated to doing well in an endeaver will occasionaaly need to focus on that endeaver - or they are unlikely to succeed at the task.

If you balance BBing in your life it simply becomes part of your life and not some special activity that you do outside of your normal life. There are many people here who are married with children, have successful careers and just happen to have a passion for BBing.

A spouse or significant other might have a point if someone all of a sudden became interested in BBing and changed many things in there life in order to pursue thier new found interest - but I'd wager that for 95%+ of the BBers out there - they were allready interested in it and allready leading the lifestyle when they met their significant other - the point being where is the surprise - there should not have been one.

My wife has never gotten the BBing bug herself, although when we were first married she would come to the gym with me and work out. After having two childeren that fell by the wayside for her and now she will just use a treadmill at home or go for walks as her method of exercising. The rest of my family eats fairly healthy - probably beause I let them know when they are way off track nutrition wise - but they don't eat like I do and I don't expect them to.

The comments that others have made about finding balance, respecting your spouse and not letting BBing be your priority over family obligations and relationships is excellent advice and it would be true for any outside activity. Your personal health should come first, your family second, your job a close third (can't support the family without one!) then fit in your other interests. Now and then - like for a few weeks just before a contest - it is ok for BBing to become a little more important and any spouse who knows of your interest and passion should be willing to accept that and take it in stride.

I have been married for over 20 years and have been BBing for that whole time. I competed when we were first married - then took a break from that for about 10-12 years and got back into it about 5 years ago - but I continued to be a gym rat and continued to follow a healthy nutritional plan all those years. Admittedly pre-contest the diet gets strict - but that is only for 10-12 weeks a year. If anything I think that my wife is amazed that I, or other competitors, can be that dedicated to a strict diet.

I've gotten a bit long winded - but I hope that I have sent the message that BBing, or any other special interest should be weaved into your life not drive your lifestyle. Spouses need to support each others interests or at least accept the fact that two people may have different interests (I think that is a good thing, some may not) I have often thought that it would have been nice to find a spouse who had the same passion for this sport as I have - but who knows how that might have worked out if I had. Perhaps having two competitive BBers in the same house might cause a problem - I don't think that it would but I guess that it could.

One thing is for sure - relationships take a lot of work if they are to endure. In some ways building and maintaining a helathy relationship with your spose is harder than competitive BBing because you can only controll half of the equation - your side of the relationship, you have to depend on the other person to hold up theirs.

BBing for me is a huge stress reliever (except for the last three weeks before a show!) without it I would be crankier and unpleasant, with it my personal life is more balanced so I think that it helps my marriage overall. That's my 2 cents worth.

Great responses to this topic guys. I feel in order to make a marriage successful while living the life of a natural bodybuilder both sides must be willing to compromise. I have been married for 15 years and have competed for the past six. My wife supports me during my show prep knowing that after my shows are over I will reciprocate and make her the priority. It's a give and take. As long as you make an effort to communicate and speak honestly with each other, you can have a happy marriage and still pursue your bodybuilding goals.

Thanks guys! Another question. How many of you have kids?

I've been trainng for about 8 years, first competed in 2000, last in 2003. Married for 5 1/2 years, wife supports me 110%. She is very understanding, more than I would be if the tables were turned. She loves the fact that I'm in a leage of my own, in the small town were we live. Big fish, small pond thing I guess. No kids yet, I'm sure my lifestyle will change alot when that time comes.

Bottom line is I love to train and get big. She supports everything I do so it makes it easy. OH and she doesn't let me cheat on my diet. Even when she eats pizza in front of me. LOL

I have been BBing for the last 2 years almost, the last year "by the book" (thanks to ETX). My wife is very supportive because my diet before was a train wreck and I got no exercise. She understands that it is important to me and as long as I help out with things around the house she's all for it.
I also have 2 kids. One 7 and one 3. My 7 year old is my food police. She says "daddy, this has 7 sugars you can't have it" and things like that.
I did have to put together a home gym to make it work though. It works for me and works for the family. All in moderation as Ray said.

quote:

If you balance BBing in your life it simply becomes part of your life and not some special activity that you do outside of your normal life

I couldn't agree more with MadDog's statement...

Now, I am coming from the female perspective... I am a BB/figure competitor who is married and has 2 children. Most of the time I am a single Mom b/c my husband travels a lot with his job (he is in the USMC and is currently in Iraq indefinately).

My husband has always been very supportive of the entire lifestyle. (he even accepts the fact that sometimes I am dog tired and need to get to bed at 8pm! He puts up with my awful moods, etc...) I do try to, as marriage should be, have a lot of give and take. I will sacrifice getting up super early (3:30-4:00) on the weekends if I have to get to the gym so that I can get my workout in and get back home to spend the day with my family.

With my kids, it is a bit different. They have to come first! They know that Mommy doesn't eat "junk" food and that I go to the gym, etc... I will get my gym time in while they are in school, and if they are not, they come with me. I do know that when it gets closer to comp. I tend to have less patience (and being a "single" mom makes it a bit harder), but I try to explain to them that I do have less and to bear with me (they are 5 and 8). They come with me to posing practice and even have learned a few poses themselves (future BBers in the making ).

I try to have a good balance of everything in my life. I am NOT a professional competitor and this is NOT my job. Our lively hood does not depend on it. I love the lifestyle and can't imagine it any other way. However, when other things in my life start to suffer b/c of my "hobby" I will take a step back and reasses things.

What is most important? To be with your spouse in 40+ years and have great kids, or to say you were once a BBer?

Tee - That is a great post. I think that it is awsome that you are sticking with your fitness program and still going after your goals even while you are temporarily serving as a single parent at home. Your hubby is going to be especially glad to see you on his return because you are going to look even better than what he remembered! I take my hat off to you and to any mother with younger children who sticks to a serious fitness and nutrition program.

I know that it would be much easier to "let it go" while you have to pick up the extra household duties - congratulations for continuing to make fitness an important part of your life. You, your kids and your husband will all benefit from your efforts. A healthy and energetic mom is a happier mother and wife. Don't let the USMC recruit you also - I hear that they are looking for a few good women too!

Kody,

I have children and my wife is 100% of my success. Check out my site www.SOAbodybuilding.com and you will see without her I would be nothing, but I am 100% willing to walk away from comp at any time it effects the family. I will never ever train for a show, or even spend extra time at the gym, if its going to effect things at the homefront. I am a bodybuilder and part of that is the responsability to the sport, those around me and myself. I can never let a contest effect those around me in a negative way and my willingness to walk away at any time seems to make me a better bodybuilder and appreciate my training and contest more.

Sully

I want to say that all these responses have been great and in some way I envy these people, who have had the proper perspective right from the gitgo. My situation was and is, quite different.
After my short stint with powerlifting I became immersed and obsessed with bodybuilding, at the expense of broken relationships, and ultimately virtual total isolation from human contact. Twenty years ago I wanted to be the best bodybuilder on the planet, and even though I have achieved a trivial amount of success, my grandiose expectations have fallen very short of what I expected to attain (whatever it was).

I could not and would not deviate from my eating, training, and sleeping routines, had no other outside interests, and am positive that if I delved into AAS's, I wouldn't be alive today.

I missed out on seeing my family, neglected important responsibilities and obligations which further alienated me from loved ones, got fired from jobs, got into severe debt, and although I eventually pulled a 180 in my life,( and this is after beating alcohol and drug addiction) I am still devasted from some of the aftereffects of the "healthy" lifestyle I chose to pursue.

Today, bodybuilding is strictly a joyful hobby. I compete to satisfy the intense side of my personality( and to revel in my 15 seconds of fame by putting on a great posing routine for the audience )

But for 10 years there existed no balance in my life, or compassion for anyone other than myself. I loved looking at myself in the mirror, and could do so for hours, mesmerized. Today, I don't even own or wear tank tops or muscle shirts

And I would do it all over again. Just the way I did it. I wouldn't change a thing. Because through my experience as a selfish individual, I have learned to love, and realize how fragile life is, how easily it can be taken away from anyone, no matter how tough they may seem on the exterior. I can now drive down the street and if I notice an old drinking buddy strung out on crack and smack sprawled out on the street, I'll take him back to the shelter, while keeping with my schedule of speeches at the clinic to help these guys.

Some people are unsure when to leave competition. When that time arrives, I am positive that it will hit me in the face like a truck. I will walk away with no regrets.

ANH

Aram - You are a success in so many ways. Sharing your life experiences, both good and bad, with others as you so willingly do magnifies your accomplishments ten fold.

I am proud to know you and so pleased that you are a participating member of this board and the OCB site.

You have found the balance for BBing in your life that the rest of us have spoken of. Embracing natural BBing as a component of a healthy life style can feed other healthy and positive behaviors. Keep walking the walk my friend.

Aram, you're top dog in my book.

Frank

Reality is, nobody is born perfect, not even I and would'nt want to be. Then there is nothing to strive for.

Actually Mr. Spartan, you are incorrect sir. A person does not "choose" to be an alcoholic. A choice is when you decide upon paper or plastic, whether to do leg prsses or squats, to buy or to lease. The aforementioned are "choices" sir.

When someone smokes 3 packs of cigarettes a day, or drinks from morning till night every day for years thus viciously altering their behavior, these are not "choices", rather a disease much on par with any physical disease which requires medical and psychological intervention. It is an addiction to death. No choices are involved here.

I am an alcoholic, even though I've been clean for many, many years now. I was not taken aback by your observations and comment, since I am basically numb to similar assertions and opinions, however, someone else reading your post may have been. So I must apologize, since I am responsible for bringing up some issues pertaining to what I had to struggle with.

BTW, I am a pro.. A NATURAL pro. And quite honestly sir, I would not have the pride I feel, were I an IFBB pro... an organization which I have zero respect for, including their "athletes".

Peace

Im glad you responded to john's comment Aram. I had to bite my tongue not to repsond myself. I figure I'd give you a chance first. It truly saddens me when I see pompous and uncompassionate statements like the one john made. Especially when it is on this board. anyways thanks for sharing your life struggle Aram. the easiest way to learn is through others. I have only one thing to say to john "crucify the ego my friend" life's to short to look down and point the finger.

Aram, but dont you make a choice to pick up that first drink, and then the second, and third, etc.
?????

Aram,

You are a pro in every sense of the word. Even the way you responded to that idiotic, self serving, insulting post. Unbelievable.

quote:

Originally posted by Kody:
Aram, but dont you make a choice to pick up that first drink, and then the second, and third, etc.
?????

Addicts may start out making choices (just like you and I...we make a choice to have a drink or two). Not realizing that it might become a problem. Once it becomes an addiction, it is no longer a choice, but the person is controlled by the substanceand it becomes a necessity for survival.

Kody, when your first marriage was destroyed by the control that bodybuilding had on you, was that your intent?